Commentary 1: Gaydar and Toes

Unfortunately or not, I’ve never been able to fit into the stereotypical categories. I’m not large enough to be a bear, not interested in being a cub or otter, too chubby to be a jock, too hairy to be a twink… you get the idea. I’ve also never thought of myself as “obvious,” although my friends would surely disagree. The new girls at work, nevertheless are always confused. And I can understand when people slowly figure it out after speaking with me and getting to know my tastes (musical theatre, karaoke, etc) and history.

Nevertheless, it is incomprehensible to me that at the gym, where I hardly speak with anyone, and no one knows me, that people can guess. I have no rainbow tattoos and do not swish my hips when I walk for fear of tripping in my flip flops and slipping on the wet locker room floor. So, not knowing why I don’t fall through the gaydar cracks at the gym has boggled my mind.

I have laid down in the sauna with both a swim trunks and naked on a towel. Deductive reasoning would maintain that being nude in the sauna or steam room had no correlation to revealing homosexuality.

So I sat in the sauna, towel around my waist like a skirt with a slit showing way too much leg. My eyes peered down, a preventative measure for myself to keep from looking longingly in someone’s eyes or staring at their crotch or nipples. And that’s when it dawned on me.

I began to notice that a high proportion of men observed entering the sauna had interesting feet. My conclusion, having taken into account my awful nonworking gaydar, is as such. Gay men are more likely to have problem pinky toes. Heterosexual men are more likely to have problem big toes. One guess as to the cause of this may be that homosexual men may try to squeeze their feet into slim, stream-lined shoes that don’t allow room for their pinkie toes. My best guess as to why straight men have bruised and blackened big toes would be based on the fact that men in general say stupid things. Straight men say stupid things to women who might stamp or step on their feet, with good aim I might add. This is only based on my own biased observations. Any help?